Q: My boyfriend and I haven't had intercourse but we have had oral. I don't mind it because I enjoy it. But lately I have begun to worry why he doesn't try to have actual intercourse with me. We have been close to a couple of times but he always makes excuses when it comes to it. Is this normal?
A: There could be several reasons why your boyfriend hasn't tried penetrative sex with you. It could be that he's nervous. If this is his first time having penile-vaginal sex or he hasn't had penetrative sex in a long time, he may feel that he won't be "good" at it or that he might ejaculate too quickly. Of course, the only real way to know why is to ask him. If you want to have penetrative sex, there's nothing wrong with simply asking him if he would be comfortable doing that and, if not, why.
If he says that he's worried about his performance or possibly ejaculating too quickly, then perhaps you could try having penetrative sex with him for just a little while (10 - 30 seconds) and then going back to oral sex. You can switch back and forth until he feels comfortable enough to have penetrative sex for longer periods of time. If he does ejaculate quickly, then check out my blog post on how guys can last longer when having sex. You can find that post here.
The best thing to do in these types of situations is to talk about it. You can do so in a non-judgmental way and remind him that he can talk to you about anything and you'll be understanding and caring. After all, if you truly care about each other, you should be able to talk openly and honestly about sex.
Answers provided by Dr. Ross Avilla
Dr. Ross Avilla has been teaching Human Sexuality since 2013 and has a PhD in psychology from UC Davis. Dr. Avilla is not a clinician and all information and advice offered on this website is for educational purposes only.