Q: I'm a male and I have been having a difficult time having an orgasm during sex. I'm super arroused, but I just can't orgasm with my female partner. Is it something I'm doing? The passion is there and I just want to be able to enjoy sex more, but I don't know how. I've had sex before this next sex partner. I have no problem pleasuring my partner, but I also want to orgasm.
A: If you're taking any kind of anti-depressant or anti-anxiety medication, one of the most common side-effects is delayed orgasming. However, there may be other reasons for this.
One thing to look at is your masturbatory habits. If you're able to achieve orgasm through masturbation, then examine what's different about that compared to when you're having sex. Many men grip their penis very tightly during masturbation, which is going to provide a lot more pressure on the penis than there would be during sex. This can make it so that the penis can only achieve orgasm when placed under a lot of pressure. If this is the case, relax your grip while masturbating to make the sensation more like having vaginal intercourse. It could also be that you've gotten very used to watching pornography while masturbating and this has made it difficult to ejaculate when not watching porn. If this is the case, you would want to change your masturbatory habits to include less porn and more fantasizing about your current partner.
If none of these are issues for you, I would suggest seeing a doctor. In some cases, delayed ejaculation can be caused by more serious medical problems, such as an enlarged prostate, urinary tract infections, or early signs of diabetes.
Answers provided by Dr. Ross Avilla
Dr. Ross Avilla has been teaching Human Sexuality since 2013 and has a PhD in psychology from UC Davis. Dr. Avilla is not a clinician and all information and advice offered on this website is for educational purposes only.