Q: A long time kink of mine has been to have sex with my football jersey and helmet on. I've recently started dating this girl I met on Tinder and she and I have been waiting to have sex upon her request. I'm really nervous about telling her about it. The last girl I dated literally laughed at me when I asked her if I could put the helmet and jersey on. Needless to say, she never returned my calls. I guess I just need advice as to how to bring this kink up. I really don't want to scare her away.
A: Most people have something they enjoy sexually that is unique or a "kink," so these types of requests aren't uncommon. It's sad that your former partner wasn't even willing to try it out with you, but I'm hopeful you'll be able to explore this with your current partner.
I would suggest bringing this up slowly with your new partner. At this point, it doesn't sound like you're having sex yet, so this definitely wouldn't be a good time. Wait until you've formed a comfortable, sexual relationship first. You could then start by simply wearing a football t-shirt when having sex. This is something that she's unlikely to even notice. If she does notice, you can just tell her that you just like the shirt. If she's cool with that, then ask her if you can wear your football jersey during sex. You can say that it adds a fun "roleplay" aspect of sex that you enjoy. If she's happy to oblige, then you can eventually work your way up to your full kink. It would be good if she wanted to "play along" as well, such as wearing a cheerleader outfit, or whatever outfit would work with the roleplaying scenario.
I think if you bring it up slowly and make sure she's comfortable with each step, then you should be able to introduce this role-play kink into your sex life. Of course, if your current partner is uncomfortable with this kink or doesn't enjoy it, you should find a way to have sex that makes both of you happy.
Answers provided by Dr. Ross Avilla
Dr. Ross Avilla has been teaching Human Sexuality since 2013 and has a PhD in psychology from UC Davis. Dr. Avilla is not a clinician and all information and advice offered on this website is for educational purposes only.