Q: When I have sex with my girlfriend the sex never lasts very long because I always ejaculate within 2 minutes. But when I see a porn movie, the guys are lasting 30 minutes or longer. I know that porn sex is not real sex, but do you have any tips on how a guy can last longer in bed?
A: First of all, you should know that you're not alone. Premature ejaculation (cumming too quickly) is one of the most common problems that men have in the bedroom. And, research finds that lasting 2 minutes might be the norm for about 40% of men. Also, several studies have found that penile-vaginal intercouse lasts an average of 5 - 7 minutes for most couples. But, if you want to last longer, there are several things you can try.
One method is the "Start and Stop" technique. This is something that can be done with a partner or while masturbating. Just stimulate the penis like you normally do until you feel like you're getting close to orgasm. Then stop stimulating the penis and wait for the sensation to die down. Once you aren't close to orgasm anymore, begin stimulating the penis again. Continue doing this until you've reached the desired amount of time and then stimulate yourself until you reach orgasm. This can train the body and brain to last a certain amount of time before orgasming. It does take a while to retrain yourself, but this technique works for most men.
Another method you could try is using condoms. Condoms can somewhat reduce sensation during sex. This is sometimes seen as a negative thing by men, but it can be a benefit for men who experience premature ejaculation. You can also purchase special condoms that have a mild analgesic coating on the inside, which can slightly deaden the nerves of the penis while the condom is worn. This can further elongate the time before ejaculation.
Something to keep in mind, though, is that this is only a "problem" if it's keeping you and your partner from enjoying sex. A great way to help both of you enjoy sex more is to have lots of foreplay before engaging in penile-vaginal intercourse. It typically takes women about 20 - 30 minutes of stimulation to reach peak arousal and have an orgasm, so hopefully you are engaging in foreplay long enough to allow that to happen. Whether your partner orgasms from vaginal sex or oral or manual sex likely doesn't matter to them, as long as they're being sexually fulfilled.
Answers provided by Dr. Ross Avilla
Dr. Ross Avilla has been teaching Human Sexuality since 2013 and has a PhD in psychology from UC Davis. Dr. Avilla is not a clinician and all information and advice offered on this website is for educational purposes only.