Q: I am a heterosexual female that wants to have anal sex but does not know how "prepare" for it. I have heard horror stories about the pain and heard about lube but I need more tips. I want to be able to satisfy my partner and over all enjoy the experience too. #help
A: The key to having enjoyable anal sex is to relax and take things slow. There are several layers of muscles within the anus, so anal sex is only enjoyable if you can get these internal muscles to relax. It's best to start with some fingering first. Make sure to use lots of lube, since the anus doesn't naturally lubricate itself. While fingering your anus, use your other hand (or his) to masturbate your vagina, paying special attention to the clitoris. This will heighten your arousal and help you associate anal play with sexual pleasure. If you start to feel any pain, simply back off and take it a bit slower. Over time, you can build up to inserting two fingers, and eventually three fingers. Once you can comfortably fit three fingers into the anus, then it's ready to be penetrated by an average-sized penus. Again, while transfering from fingers to a penis, you want to take it slow at first and stop if it gets uncomfortable.
Over time, the anus will get used to being penetrated. If you've associated this sensation with being sexually stimulated, through masturbation, kissing, nipple-play, etc., then you will likely begin to enjoy this anal stimulation. You can also purchase anal trainers, which are basically a set of small to moderately sized dildos or butt-plugs that can be used to “train” the anus to remain comfortable while being penetrated.
For more tips on having painless and enjoyable anal sex, check out the link here: http://www.spicesexup.com/does-anal-sex-hurt.html
Answers provided by Dr. Ross Avilla
Dr. Ross Avilla has been teaching Human Sexuality since 2013 and has a PhD in psychology from UC Davis. Dr. Avilla is not a clinician and all information and advice offered on this website is for educational purposes only.