Q: What tips do you have for a male who is wanting to have sex with another male for the first time; for penetrating, but especially for receiving? Is there a way to avoid the pain?
A: Here are some tips anyone can use to have safe and pleasurable anal sex. In general, you want to start slow, especially if it’s someone’s first time. You want to spend plenty of time loosening up the anus with smaller objects (fingers, tongue, etc.) before penile penetration. Typically, the head of the penis is the most difficult part to get into the anus, because it’s the widest part of the penis for most men. Also, anything going into the anus has to pass through multiple rings of muscles, which may offer resistance. The best way to penetrate the anus, then, is to loosen it up, use lots of lube and then penetrate very slowly, layer by layer.
The most important thing to remember is to relax. By relaxing the body, those muscle groups within the anus will also relax, allowing for much easier penetration. One way to help with this is to stimulate the penis (or clitoris, for women) while having anal penetration, that way the person being penetrated can focus on the pleasure of having their genitals stimulated. It will also help to associate anal penetration with sexual pleasure. And definitely wear a condom, since this helps protect against STIs and urinary tract infections.
Beyond that, just have fun with it! Many gay couples engage in anal sex, but many others do not or do so only once in a while. Figure out if anal sex if right for you and how often you’d like to engage in it. Also, you can practice beforehand by penetrating yourself with fingers or a dildo while masturbating. That way you can work on relaxing and enjoying anal stimulation. Good luck!
If you’d like further tips, check out the following sources.
Answers provided by Dr. Ross Avilla
Dr. Ross Avilla has been teaching Human Sexuality since 2013 and has a PhD in psychology from UC Davis. Dr. Avilla is not a clinician and all information and advice offered on this website is for educational purposes only.