Q: Is it normal for non-lactating breasts to taste like milk? I'm not pregnant nor have I been before, but recently my boyfriend has refused to play with my breasts because he says they taste like milk. I'm concerned and don't know what to say or do.
A: There could be a few things going on. It may be that you are lactating very slightly, which can happen to women who aren't pregnant, but do have high levels of estrogen, progesterone or prolactin in their body. This can occur as a side-effect of taking some medications, such as birth control, anti-depressants or anti-psychotics. Some women also produce breast milk from prolonged nipple stimulation (a condition known as galactorrhea). There can also be a small chance that a woman produces breast milk because there is something more seriously wrong with her body, such as thyroid disorder. However, if you feel healthy otherwise, it's probably not something to worry about.
There is also the possibility that this could be in your boyfriend's head. If he's tasting what he thinks of as milk (such as what cow's milk tastes like), then this is unlikely to be breastmilk. Human breastmilk tastes quite different from cow's milk, because it has a much higher sugar content, making human breastmilk taste noticeably sweeter. One way to test this would be to taste your own nipples to see if you can detect anything. Simply rup your fingers across your nipples and then smell/taste your fingers. You can also take a shower right before you have sex and see if he still "tastes" milk right when he first puts his tongue on your nipples. If the discharge is so slight that you don't notice any actual liquid coming out of your breasts, but he can still supposedly taste it right away, then it's likely a placebo effect. Some men are a bit "freaked out" by the fact that breasts can produce milk and so may think they're tasting it when they're really not. However, if there is a milky discharge coming from your nipples and it isn't caused by a medication you're taking, you should probably go see a doctor about it, just to make sure it's nothing more serious.
Q: The skin color of my vagina is darker than the rest of my skin, is that normal? I am very self conscious about this because I know it's not dirty but it just looks like it and it prevents me from being comfortable with having sex with the lights on. If this isn't normal, what should I do?
A: Having darker skin on the genitals is very normal for both women and men. Skin tone has a lot to do with the type of skin you're looking at. The skin that makes up the genitals tends to be more porous and elastic than the skin on other parts of your body, making it darker (similar to the skin on your elbows). Most people have genitals that are darker in tone than the surrounding skin (this is also true of the anus).
One reason this may not seem "normal" is that many porn actors have their genitals and anus "bleached" to make them appear lighter. This is unnatural and can be harmful to this skin, so it's not recommended for most people to do.
Q: I masturbate 10 times a day. I was wondering if that is obsessive behavior.
A: As to whether someone is masturbating too much, it doesn't really come down to how many times someone masturbates in a day. The important thing to consider is whether the level of masturbation is causing significant problems in a person's life. If someone's drive to masturbate is so frequent and overwhelming that it causes them to be impaired in their relationships, school/work, and personal happiness, then it is a problem.
I would say that if you're masturbating 10 times a day, then it's likely you do have a problem. I can't imagine how someone could masturbate that much and not have it negatively impact their life. At the very least, I would imagine that this is on your mind throughout the day, making it difficult to concentrate on and enjoy other aspects of your life. If this is the case, I would recommend seeing a counselor. You can attain counseling at UC Merced by visiting counseling.ucmerced.edu.
Q: As a guy, i hear tons of stories about how vaginal sex is amazing, yet I typically get very little stimulation during vaginal sex. In fact, when I am receiving oral sex I feel huge amounts of stimulation. Is there something wrong?
A: This is a fairly common experience for men. The walls of the vagina are very smooth and soft and this can sometimes not provide enough stimulation for the penis for a man to reach orgasm. On the other hand, the mouth has the tongue, lips and soft palate, which can offer more varied stimulation (especially if you throw in stimulation with the hands as well). This can make it easier for a man to receive enough stimulation to orgasm.
One way to make sex more stimulating in general is to mix up the type of stimulation being used. You can switch between vaginal, oral, and manual stimulation as your having sex, which creates more variety in sensation. Also, the penis can sometimes get "burned out," or numbed by repetitive stimulation. This is easily fixed by not stimulating the penis for a minute or two so that it can regain its sensitivity. By adding more variety and spacing in penile stimulation, it's likely you'll able to reach orgasm more quickly and during vaginal intercourse.
Q: Is it gay if I can't watch porn if the male actor is an old fat guy? The male must be somewhat attractive in order for me to be arouse.
A: People are usually attracted to certain body types. Some are attracted to people who are young and athletic, while others are attracted to people who are older and overweight. It really just comes down to personal preference. Regardless, if a man is attracted to other men, then he is experiencing a homosexual attraction. This doesn't necessarily mean he will identify as "gay;" that has to do with a whole host of factors, such as whether he's primarily attracted to men and whether he wants to identify with the larger gay community. There are many straight people who will occasionally find someone of the same gender attractive, but still identify as straight because they are primarily attracted to those of the opposite gender and only wish to have sexual and romantic relationships with those of the opposite gender.
Q: Is it gay if a man wants a woman to put a strap on and penetrate his anus?
A: Whether something is "gay" or not comes down to the way the person engaging in the activity personally identifies themselves. Typically, someone identifies as gay if they are primarily attracted to people of the same gender as themselves. If a man wants to have sex with a woman, whether she's wearing a strap-on or not, then he probably isn't gay.
Many heterosexual men enjoy anal penetration. This is because anal penetration can stimulate the male prostate, which is a very sensitive erogenous zone for most men. In fact, many men can orgasm from anal stimulation alone. So, if a man wants a woman to stimulate his anus with her finger or a dildo/strap-on, then it's likely that he's attracted to women and also enjoys anal stimulation. There's nothing contradictory about that; and there's nothing about that to indicate that he's gay.
Q: My girlfriend doesn't moan or make noise whatsoever during intercourse she just breathes heavily. Is this normal?
A: This can be completely normal. Some people are naturally quiet during sex. For many people, there is some level of concentration that is needed in order to enjoy sex and reach orgasm. So she may just be quietly concentrating on how her body feels in the moment.
It could also be that she's not reaching orgasm during sex. The best way to figure that out is to have an open conversation with her about it. It can be difficult to have these sort of conversations, but if you communicate that you're interested in her pleasure and want to make this the best experience it can be for the both of you, hopefully that will help her to be honest. It could very well be the case that she's already enjoying sex with you and experiencing orgasms, but is quiet when she does so. You'll just have to ask her to find out.
Q: Is it typical for your significant other to masturbate after sex?
A: Given that everyone is built differently and has their own sexual quarks, it's likely that most of us engage in some types of "non-typical" sexual behavior. But, perhaps what you meant was, "Is it unhealthy or problematic for your significant other to masterbate after sex?" In that case, the best way to answer this question is to talk about it with your significant other. Why do they do this? Do *they* think it's problematic?
For some people, masterbating is the easiest and most reliable way for them to reach orgasm. If this is the case, perhaps your partner masturbates during or after sex just because it's the easiest way for them to cum. Your partner may very well not see this as a problem and may have done this with all of their previous sexual partners as well.
If your partner does see it as a problem, then perhaps you could explore other ways of stimulating each other during sex. There may be a particular way that your partner likes to be stimulated, which makes it easier for them to orgasm. Again, this is something you'll only know if you have a conversation with them about it. Being able to communicate with your partner about sex is a big part of having a mature, healthy sexual relationship. It may not always be easy, but it's almost always beneficial.
Q: Is it normal to get VERY wet when having sex?
A: I love it when there's a really easy question and this is one of them. The answer is, YES, that's totally normal. It's also normal to be relatively dry when having sex. There is a lot of natural variability (differences) between women in how much vaginal lubrication they produce when sexually aroused. Some women get "very wet" and some hardly produce any lubrication at all. There's nothing wrong in either scenario, it's just the way you were built.
If you're on the "wetter" side, enjoy it! It just means that it's really easy to tell when you're aroused and you don't have to use any extra lube when having sex. If you're worried about getting your underwear wet during the day, you can just wear panty liners. Also, you may need to wash your sheets more often if you're having sex regularly. Otherwise, it's no big deal. If you're on the "dryer" side, don't worry! Just use store-bought sex lubricant (such as KY Jelly) and use that. Either way, enjoy your sex life and remember, "The wetter, the better!"
"Hmm, a bit wetter than I expected..."
Q: I haven't had sex in over a year, and often I do feel horny but I never actually feel sexually attracted to anyone (I don't think I ever really have) and I'm not sure what that means. I mean I'm not sexually repulsed, but I don't really enjoy it all that much, but sometimes I have urges.
A: There's nothing wrong or abnormal about having periods in your life when you're not particularly attracted to anyone. Some people will go through "dry spells" where they either don't meet someone who sexually attracts them or just aren't feeling "in the mood" enough to look for someone to have sex with. This type of temporary lull in sexual arousal can be due to many thing: Stress, recent lifestyle changes, fluctuations in hormones, taking anti-depressant or anti-anxiety medications, etc. In most cases, this tends to pass in a few months. If it doesn't pass and your lack of sexual desire bothers you, you may want to talk to a doctor or therapist about it.
Since you mentioned that it's possible you've never been sexually attracted to other people, it may be that you are "asexual" or "graysexual" (also referred to as an "ace"). These are individuals who, for whatever reason, simply lack an interest in sex. Many of these individuals still feel sexual urges and masturbate from time-to-time, and may even want to be romantically involved with other people, but don't have an interest in actually having sex with other people. This is a pretty new "sexual orientation" and not much is known yet about asexuality. However, it is becoming a more common sexual identity. Semi-recent studies conducted in the U.S. and U.K. suggest that 0.5 - 1.5% of people are asexual. However, a poll at UC Merced found that 8% of students surveyed described themselves as "asexual" (data not publicly available), indicating this is likely a more common sexual identity among younger people.
There is a growing community of support for asexuals online and at school. For example, they are one of the recognized groups in our UC Merced Lamba Alliance club. In fact, they hosted an Asexuality Awareness Week in 2015. There's no easy way to tell if you are asexual or not, but perhaps it's something you could look into.
For more information on asexuality, please check out the following sources...
A recent article about asexuality and how it fits with other sexual orientations: http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2013/06/19/asexual-relationships_n_3362206.html
An article about how to decide if you are asexual/graysexual:
The Asexuality Visibility and Education Network:
Answers provided by Dr. Ross Avilla
Dr. Ross Avilla has been teaching Human Sexuality since 2013 and has a PhD in psychology from UC Davis. Dr. Avilla is not a clinician and all information and advice offered on this website is for educational purposes only.