Q: What do I do if my boyfriend can’t stay hard when we want to have sex?
A: There are many reasons why men (even young men) can suffer from erectile dysfunction (ED; an inability to maintain an erection).
The most common reason is anxiety. If a man gets anxious, this constricts the blood-vessels in penis, causing him to lose his erection. The difficult thing about this is that a man with ED may develop anxiety about his disorder. So, the next time he wants to have sex, he may worry that he won't be able to perform and then this anxiety can cause him to lose his erection. It can be a difficult cycle to break. If this is the case, there are certain things he can try. First, it can be good to talk about it and for you to express that it's not a big deal if he doesn't have an erection during sex. There are plenty of things you both can enjoy during sex (such as oral sex or using sex toys) that doesn't require him to have an erection. This can help to take the pressure off of him. He can also try relaxation techniques, such as deep-breathing, to try to calm down if he finds himself getting nervous. If he's still suffering from anxiety when having sex, then perhaps he can see a counselor to discuss further options.
There are also some medications that can cause ED, such as anti-anxiety and anti-depressant medications. These types of medications can dampen someone's sexual drive in general. If medication is the cause of his ED, then he should talk with his doctor to check out different options or methods of combating these side-effects. ED can also be caused by excessive alcohol or drug use or by smoking. If he's doing any of these things, it would be best if he stopped for a while to see if that solves the problem.
Lastly, there could be a more serious reason why he's have issues with ED. ED can be caused by problems with men's cardiovascular system, such as having hypertension, heart-disease, obesity or diabetes. Although, these causes of ED are rare among younger men. But, if this is a persistent problem and he's also experiencing ED when he's masturbating alone, then it's something he should probably see a doctor about, just to make sure it's nothing more serious.
Q: Why do men have morning wood?
A: When people sleep, the body undergoes changes that are meant to help it heal. One of these changes is that all of the blood vessels in the body open up to allow for increased blood flow. This helps to deliver nutrients and take away waste from all of the cells in the body. This increase blood flow can also result in erections in men. It also tends to result in slight vaginal swelling and lubrication in women (although this is less noticeable). So, just think of morning wood as a "side effect" of your body healing itself.
You can also find a great video about this at https://youtu.be/D1et5NgT6bQ
Answers provided by Dr. Ross Avilla
Dr. Ross Avilla has been teaching Human Sexuality since 2013 and has a PhD in psychology from UC Davis. Dr. Avilla is not a clinician and all information and advice offered on this website is for educational purposes only.