Q: What are some ways a guy can prevent premature ejaculation?
A: If you’re suffering from premature ejaculation, you are not alone. It’s, by far, the most common sexual disorder among young men. Thankfully, there are many things men can do to prevent premature ejaculation. I’ll list a few of the more common/successful methods below.
Method #1: Stop-and-start tactic. This is a tactic you can do while masturbating or having sex. This is where you stop stimulating yourself, or stimulate just the base of the penis, whenever you feel like you’re about to orgasm. Wait for yourself to “cool down,” and then begin masturbating or having sex like regular once you feel the urge to ejaculate has passed. After a set amount of time (10 – 15 minutes), allow yourself to orgasm. This will train the body to delay the orgasm reflex.
Method #2: A slight variant on the above tactic is the stop-and-squeeze technique. Basically, you practice the above method, but instead of stopping all together, you tightly squeeze the head of the penis until the urge to orgasm has passed. You don’t want to hurt yourself, so you don’t need to squeeze the hardest you can, but just apply a firm grip. Some men find this technique helps to train them more quickly, but it doesn’t work for everyone.
Method #3: Think unsexy thoughts! You can also train yourself to delay orgasm by picking something to think about that will take your mind off of your penis. Some people think about things that are boring or do math problems in their head. One tactic I’ve heard about is to count down from 100 using a fraction, such as 6.5. This is just difficult enough for most people that it will take your mind off of sex/masturbation. This can also help delay the orgasm reflex.
Method #4: Use thick or desensitizing condoms. You can buy specialty condoms online or in sex shops that are extra thick or have a coating that has slight numbing effect on the penis. This can help dampen neural activity within the penis and thus delay orgasm. This tactic should be coupled with other tactics, so you don’t become completely reliant on these types of condoms to delay orgasm.
Method #5: If all else fails, you can talk to your doctor about being prescribed a mild anti-anxiety medication. A common “side effect” of these medications is that they delay orgasm. These are beginning to be prescribed pretty widely for men who experience chronic premature ejaculation and they’ve been shown to be quite successful in treating it. Again, this should be a last resort after having tried other techniques, given that these medications can have other side effects, such as reducing sex drive in general. But, it’s a nice option to know about if all else fails.
Good luck! Also, here are some additional sources on the topic.
Q: Is it possible for there to be a healthy relationship after a friends with benefits relationship and a threesome? Where the male and female know everything about what the other has done.
A: I’m not really sure of the details of this relationship, but it’s definitely possible to have a healthy friendship or romantic relationship with someone after having sex with them or people they know. A healthy relationship is one that involves communication, trust, mutual interests, and having fun. If you have those things in common with someone, there’s no reason why you cannot have a healthy relationship with them.
If you find that your sexual history impedes one of these things (such as trust), then this is something you can talk about with them. If it’s a good relationship, you should be able to express your feelings and your wish to have a good relationship with them. By being open, honest and caring in your communication with this person, you two can form a more positive relationship or at least have more clarity on what your relationship currently is.
Q: So me and my boyfriend are in a long distance relationship and I want to buy him a sex toy that will please him. I don't want anything too expensive and I definitely don't want a blow up doll, lol. So overall, what is the best (and cheapest) sex toy for a man?
A: One of the less expensive but very popular sex toys for men are pocket vaginas (commonly known as “fleshlights”). This is a tool he can use to masturbate with that feels similar to a vagina. They also make ones that are more similar to the feel of a mouth.
You can find these just about anywhere online, but I’ve provided a link to some websites selling “Sex Toys for Men.” The only toys I wouldn’t recommend are penis pumps, which are dangerous and don’t increase penis size as advertised.
Q: My girlfriend has passed out on me a few times during sex before and it scared the crap out of me. We went to the doctors and she was perfectly healthy. I just want to know why this may happen and how I can avoid it in the future.
A: This definitely seems like a medical issue. Even though her doctor say she’s perfectly healthy, it’s very hard to tell what may be going on since it can be difficult to replicate this phenomena in the doctor’s office. I have a friend who studies epilepsy and other brain-seizure disorders and he’s had patients who have had similar experiences—when they get over-aroused, they can have a seizure. One thing a lot of people don’t realize about seizures is that they’re often “silent” and “inactive.” The person having the seizure simply stops moving (as if they’re passed out). I’m not a medical professional, but this sounds like it could be the case.
Of course, there could be other reasons as well. I would recommend she see a brain/seizure specialist, because they may be more qualified to diagnose what’s going on.
Q: I've seen links throughout the internet saying that masturbation can lead to penis shrinkage. Is that true?
A: This is definitely not true. There’s nothing that leads to penis shrinkage other than removing part of the penis surgically. I googled, “masturbation makes penis shrink” and the only sources I could find were websites that were trying to sell penis enhancing pills (which don’t work, by the way). So, I think this myth was probably manufactured by these types of companies.
Q: How can you become more comfortable with masturbation, if you're not really into it?
A: Like anything, it gets easier (and more comfortable) with practice. I suggest setting a specific time each week to masturbate and to try something a little different each time you do it. For example, you can start out by thinking about different fantasies while you masturbate. You can also do it in different settings, such as in your bed or while taking a bath. You can try different toys while masturbating and/or view different types of pornography or erotic fiction.
Don’t worry if you’re not “in the mood” right away. Sometimes it can take a while to get comfortable enough with your body to be able to relax and enjoy it. If you feel like you’re getting self-conscious or frustrated, just try to relax. You only need to masturbate for 10 minutes that week and, if you don’t like it, you can just stop at that point. Then try again next week. I’ll bet that after a few sessions, you’ll start to relax, enjoy it more and you may even start to want to do it more often. Just remember, regular masturbation is great for your health and the better you get at pleasuring yourself, the more you’ll enjoy your time with others as well!
Q: Is it possible to have vaginal fluid leakage when you’re not aroused, kind of on a daily basis? Not a lot and not a discharge that would indicate a bacterial or yeast infection and it's also not urine. Just a slight leakage of some kind that has no odor. What is that caused by and is it normal?
A: It’s not abnormal for some women to have a light discharge throughout the day. This is often just due to the release natural vaginal fluid, which can be produced in greater quantities during certain times of the month (particularly during ovulation). Sometimes vaginal fluid is released when a women is not sexually aroused simply because of increased blood flow throughout the body. This is particularly common at night or when a person is very relaxed (such as taking a light nap during the day). As long as the discharge is clear, odorless and doesn’t involve any pain or swelling of the vulva, it’s unlikely that it’s caused by any sort of infection.
Of course, I’m not a medical professional, so if this is concerning you, you should probably go to a gynecologist to get a professional’s opinion.
Q: I had unprotected sex a couple of days before my period was supposed to come. I took the plan b pill and my period came the day after, as scheduled. Is it possible to be pregnant even if your period comes?
A: There’s not much of a “trick” to it. The best thing to do is just keep your mouth open wide while wrapping the mouth around the penis. Don’t feel the need to put the penis deeply into your mouth, as all of the soft parts of the mouth are toward the front (tongue, lips) and the most sensitive part of the penis is the head (glans). Also, you don’t need to “suck” on the penis, as the term “sucking dick” implies. Basically, you’ll just be using your mouth like you would your hands if you were masturbating him, except that the mouth is naturally lubricated and much softer. Form an O-shape with the mouth, moving the teeth out of the way, and move your mouth up and down on the penis. You can do whatever you like with your tongue, but try to keep it soft and relaxed. And, don’t go down so far that you feel like you’re going to gag. If your jaw gets tired, take a break and use your hands for a while. And have fun! It will probably be more enjoyable if he gives you some stimulation at the same time with his hands or mouth (or a toy).
For more information, I suggest checking out this video: https://youtu.be/S8N97MrRBLA
Q: Is it possible for a man to orgasm but not ejaculate?
A: It is! This is commonly known as a “dry orgasm.” There are a couple of ways this can happen. One is voluntary (through practice), which is when a man flexes his pelvic floor muscles so much during orgasm that the muscles pinch off the seminal tract and inhibit ejaculation. Some men train these muscles to do this through Kegel exercises. That way, they can have an orgasm without ejaculating and thus have multiple orgasms! This is perfectly fine and healthy to do (although, it likely takes a lot of training).
It can also happen non-voluntarily as well. In younger men, it most often occurs when a man ejaculates more than 2 – 3 times a day. If he then starts having dry orgasms, it’s likely he just ran out of semen. There’s nothing wrong or unhealthy about this, and semen production will usually be back up to normal within 6 – 12 hours.
Older men can experience “retroactive ejaculation,” which is when ejaculate gets “stuck” in the seminal track due to an enlarged prostate or other obstructions in the seminal track. This can be caused by prostate problems and/or high blood pressure. But, this rarely happens to men younger than 50 years old. If this occurs, he should get checked out by a doctor, because it could be indicative of serious health problems.
For more information about dry orgasms, check out…
Q: What is the best way to go about tossing salad (e.g. preparation, lube) and what are the risks?
A: For those who don’t know, “tossing salad” is giving oral sex to a person’s anus (i.e., “mouth to ass”). There’s not much prep needed. You don’t need lube, because saliva provides plenty of lubrication. You just want to make sure the body is clean beforehand, such as right after taking a shower, so that the person “tossing the salad” doesn’t come into contact with any fecal matter. But, if the person receiving anal stimulation is showered and clean, there’s no risk at all.
Answers provided by Dr. Ross Avilla
Dr. Ross Avilla has been teaching Human Sexuality since 2013 and has a PhD in psychology from UC Davis. Dr. Avilla is not a clinician and all information and advice offered on this website is for educational purposes only.